When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to  make any rash moves.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken needs to GET REAL and realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE” of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid...

(to be read with tongue firmly in cheek) If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away....

“Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.” “Find Amelia Earhart yet?” “Can you hear me NOW?” “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.” “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?” “You put your left hand in,...

Part 1 Three doctors are waiting for their intake interview with St. Peter. The first explains that he established a free health clinic in the inner city of Harlem and helped provide care for those who couldn’t afford it. St. Peter steps aside and he walks through the pearly gates. The second says she spent...

A big-shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could...

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying...

Benign What you be after you be eight. Bacteria Back door to cafeteria. Barium What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan Searching for Kitty. Cauterize Made eye contact with her. Colic A sheep dog. Coma A punctuation mark. D&C Where Washington is. Dilate To live long. Enema Not a...

Ran into an old friend the other day who is now a Glaxo rep. She told me of a drug that her company has under development. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends that they consider buying stock in the company. The drug is called “Gingko Viagra,” and its...

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say Include Your Children When Baking Cookies Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over British Left Waffles on Falkland...