from self-proclaimed “Geek Tim” For years, I listened to Limbaugh on my way to work, and to “Air America” on my way from work, specifically so I could ‘compare and contrast’.  In my opinion, the popularity difference is because they relate to their audience differently. Julia Sweeney has a great line that “listening to NPR is like listening to your mother telling you to clean your room”. •We have a gas crisis?  It would help if you used mass transit more •We have an education crisis?  It would help if you read to your kids more •We have a health care crisis?  If you exercised more and ate better, we wouldn’t have such a demand on the system.  Coming up next: 3 ways you can add kale to your daily diet. •Country <X> isn’t doing what we want?  If you knew more about their history, you’d understand why.  Coming up next: an interview with a prominent exile. The typical framing of the typical problem is about what you can/should do to help things get better.   On the other hand,...

1) A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage.  The photon replies, “No, I’m travelling light.” 2) “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” 3) What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing?  Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog. 4) An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.  The policeman says, “Sir, do you realize you were travelling at 130 km per hour?”  The electron says, “Oh great, now I’m lost.” 5) Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub.  The phone rings.  He jumps up and shouts, “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!” 6) How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?  A fish. 7) There are 10 types of people in this world.  Those that know binary, and those that don’t. 8) When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up, I was like, “OMG.” 9) The barman says, “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.”  A tachyon enters a...

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED: Men are just happier people — What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act...

THE SYNTHROID SONG by Perry Ross (sung to the tune of ‘Home on the Range’) Oh give me a jab, send the tubes to the lab, The results will come back then we’ll see, The numbers will show, All that we need to know, Oh I so hope that they all will be (chorus) In The Normal Range, Though my symptoms are not better yet, My throat’s got a frog, and my brain’s in a fog, But my doctor just bought a Corvette. (chorus) Oh please let me be, Where the labs all agree, Oh yes, that is where I wish to dwell, My doc says to stick, with the arithmetic, And don’t worry about whether I’m well. (chorus) In The Normal Range, Not over, nor under a bit Your numbers are fine, so it’s all in your mind, Even though you’re still feeling like shcrap.

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.

This is from newshound Dave Barry’s colonoscopy journal: I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly thru Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.  I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, “HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!” I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called “MoviPrep,” which comes in a box  large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.  Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my  preparation.  In accordance...

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.” Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other: “Does this taste funny to you?” “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, It’s Not Unusual.” Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. DejaMoo:  The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before. I went to...

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to  make any rash moves.